Mark Villarosa

The Kind of Confidence that ROCKS

I was having a drink with a pal over a few pints the other day, and the conversation veered into an interesting topic when he asked rhetorically, "What does it mean to be a man, nowadays?"

"No one knows what 'being a man' means anymore," he said.

By this point, I had forgotten about the drink in my hand and was focused on his statement.

As a man in your day-to-day life, it sometimes feels like your manhood is questioned, either from the outside or within yourself or both. The media & commercial consumer advertising has been very “girl-power” focused for many years now too, it’s actually become PC to mock men and downplay them.

So, it's no wonder the answer to that question isn’t as clear cut as it was in the days of our Dads & Grandads, because popular culture doesn't seem to even know what "being a man" means.

There are two pervasive schools of thought on what it means to be a man and they are both WAAAAAY dated:

THE "GOOD MAN" AKA the "NICE GUY"

Perhaps you've heard of Dr. Robert Glover's "No More Mr. Nice Guy." In it, he talks about how tempting it is to "play nice" and appease everyone, instead of directing your course along what is true for you. For example...

  • Saying "yes" to taking on a project you don't want
  • Listening to your friend complain about a totally changeable situation for the 1,000th time even though you're f****** exhausted
  • Saying "yes" to staying friends & doing things for a woman who doesn't see you romantically, but who you feel insanely attracted to (the dreaded friend zone)

On the surface, all these things might seem nice. Right? They are nice, right? WRONG.The only reason you'd say yes to something you don't want is either... (a) you haven't done the internal soul-searching to determine what you really want, or (b) you know what you want, but you don't say it for fear of the other person's response, fear of conflict, fear of disapproval, fear of failure. In short, you’ve wussed out man.

Either way, being a "good man" – doesn’t sound like being much of a man at all. It's more like being a boy. A vulnerable, frightened boy.There is nothing wrong with boys; boys are great ( I used to bloody be one). But being a boy in a grown man's body is not a good look.

Onto the alternative...

THE "REAL MAN" AKA the "ASSHOLE"

There’s the school of thought, that assholes always get the girl, get the best promotions, get what they f****** want, because they put themselves first 100% of the time, regardless of who or what gets in the way or who they step over and crush underfoot to get to it.

I’m REALLY PROUD to say I’m not like that. I actually give a shit about people: men and women alike (oh, and animals). The problem with the, "Just do it & get what you want at everyone's expense” attitude is not just that it's incredibly disrespectful to women; it's also disrespectful to men.

Why should you have to talk to a woman you're not even really that attracted to just to add another notch on your bedpost...or pass the time? Why should you have to be overly macho & put another man down when you can rock a quiet confidence? Why do you need to be a royal A-Hole, when just being a Human Being will do? That’s what we all have in common anyway right? We’re all human beings.

However, it’s also true, A-Holes do get to the front of the queue and do get what they want most of the time, usually at the expense of others. If you can stand to look at yourself in the mirror with this kind of behaviour? Then good luck to you. It’s never been my way. So thank f***, there is a third alternative, which actually DOES and continues to attract quality situations and people into my life.

Introducing...

THE "BENEVOLENT BADASS"

Being a Benevolent Badass is awesome because you can be BOTH a true Good Man AND an A-Hole at once : D This is because the Benevolent Badass is two things: BENEVOLENT ("bene" means "good" and "voleo" means "power" >> "using his power for good," making him a genuinely Good Man) and BADASS (this means going after what he wants in life, saying what he wants, doing what he wants, putting himself and his loved ones first as long as it’s fair to others, making him an undeniably Real Man.

Good Man and A-hole combined into one Benevolent Badass? A Real Man.

Exciting stuff.

This isn't about getting great dates (what if you already have lots of great dates?) or building an amazing relationship (what if you're not looking for a relationship right now?).

It's about building real CONFIDENCE, rock solid confidence – the kind that stems from deep WITHIN you and that shines a light of positivity wherever you go, making other people feel good around you - maybe even, inspire them to become better versions of themselves.

Now that's REAL power.

The power to influence people positively.

 

MV

 

Comments

Wow .... that some discussion. Mark your absolutely right. As usual a very well thought out and objective Response ...you covered all the issues respectfully adding a tad of colourful language to get the point across ... love it! I’m yet to meet a man with that is as intelligent, confident, witty and just a little cheeky .. and I actually like and admire ... you Sir are a genius.. and gentleman ❤️
 

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